Thursday, July 28, 2011

An Interesting Conversation About Modesty With a Guy (Part Something?)

Okay, so this is really part five. It's not like it's that hard to count. I just haven't been able to keep up with this topic in a while. Mostly because life has gotten in the way, but also because well, I've been thinking a lot about what I have heard from talking to my guys friends and family. I also took some time to read one of Wendy Shalit's books, and overall I have just been lead in so many different directions it's been really kind of mind boggling. I've been learning what guys think, and also what different people feel as REASONS for being modest, and frankly, it's all so varied and thought provoking I wish I could just write for hours talking about modesty and why so many, even those without religious prompting, are getting into it!

But that's not what this post is for, and in this post I'm going to sum up what two of my guys friends said and this is also something of a conclusion for now. Mostly because it's hard to have good conversations about this online, and it really should be something done in person.

So these are guys #5 and #6. 5 is a coworker and good friend of both mine and my husbands. I totally wish we could hang more, but we all have such random schedules it's not always easy. Guys #6 is an old coworker who was only down here in FL for a short time before having to move back up north to be with his family again.

Both guys pretty much said the same thing in one regard. They both felt that it wasn't just about how she dressed, but how she acted. They could be totally turned on by a girl wearing just a loose tee and long jeans and be turned off by an overly sexual girl. It really all depending on the girl and her behavior. 5 specifically stated that for him, it really depends on what the girl is showcasing on her body. Different guys are attracted to certain parts of the female body more than others. So for some guys, a low cut shirt may not be as tempting as a pair of tight jeans and vice versa.

Both conversations got a bit off topic, with me and guy 6 discussing some of his relationships and how things didn't work out and why. guys 5 and I started discussing some of the stuff going on in our lives in addition to blogging and him writing some short stories he was working on.

One thing that I really discovered from all this is that ALL guys are different. Just like how all of us girls have different body types, guys have different tastes. So while one may think nothing of a dress that lands mid thigh, for another guy, it could be a huge struggle. Also, a dress that may work on my friends very small, rather straight and non curvy frame, may not work on my much curvier frame. What we need to do is dress nicely, in a feminine manner, but also remember what we are doing and dress appropriately for that as well. The main point being that we need to focus on whether or not we are purposefully trying to have guys lust after us, or if it is something we are wearing for practicality.

For instance, I enjoy camping, and hiking, and other activities that are a bit more difficult to do in skirts. If I ride a bike for instance, I can wear a skirt with biking shorts underneath, or just wear a pair of pants. Often, I find grabbing a pair of capris, bermuda shorts or jeans a lot easier than looking for a skirt that won't get caught up in my bike chains (yes that happened once which a white skirt that now how black marks along part of the bottom). i ensure that they are long, and that nothing shows and is improper. I just don't find it as easy to bike in a skirt - especially if the skirt is a length Iconsider appropriate.

In the same manner, I wouldn't wear my yoga work out pants to the store or dr office, though I will wear them to excercise. A lot of it is based on what is appropriate.

So, based on my conversations I have realized that we can wear giant potato sacks, and guys will STILL have problems. I have learned that a lot of guys believe it is something they need to handle. I personally believe we should do what we can to NOT tempt them and make it easier. I have also learned that many guys change their opinions on what is modest or not based on the situation. For instance, at the beach a guy is more likely to excuse shorter shorts and a skimpier top for the sake of swimming. But that same beach outfit wouldn't be appropriate elsewhere, like in a restaurant not located right off the beach etc.

So, while as women we SHOULD be careful of how we dress, I have to take a note from Wendy Shalit and say that sometimes it's not just for religious reasons, but also to be taken more seriously. Dressing immodestly turns us into sex objects, and we are treated less like human beings when that happens. I don't want to be seen that way. I don't know many women who do! Okay, well maybe I know one female who does, but that's a whole nother can of worms.

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