Then I feel... guilty.
I feel guilty, because I feel like I am pressuring him and holding expectations over his head of who I want him to be and act. Yes, he does the same to me as well, but it doesn't mean it's right for either of us to be doing so. I think its natural when we live in a world that tries to promote views of marriage and love where there's never any fighting and both people are just always happy with each other. They never show the moving in together process where people fight over where to store the toilet paper, or in which drawer the utensils to be kept. We never see this side of things. We never see the men get grumpy because they felt their wife didn't get enough housework done in a day. We don't usually see the stressed out woman begging her husband to help her get some stuff done around the house after they get home from work because she is too tired to do it all on her own.
I can think of one movie: The Break Up. Starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. They weren't married, but were living together. At some points, you look at his character and see someone unyielding, who wouldn't give into compromise. She just wanted a little help when she needed it, but he always put his needs first. Sometimes without even realizing it. At other points, you have to kind of sit and go "really? you're going to fight over an issue so small? In the long run does it really matter if the dishes are done in the morning or not?"
Then I remember a recent frustration and I go "yea... it does...sorta... it shouldn't though...." Mainly because doing the dishes at night keeps me from having to do them in the morning. Hubby doesn't always have time to wash up the dishes from dinner in the morning, even though the night before he said he would do them before bed. Which turned into in the morning. Which turns into when he gets home from work. By that time, I need a clean sink because I have other meals to make and things to do in the kitchen.
Then I remember all the times I have left a mess of dishes in the sink. The times that hide from my memory when it annoys me that he won't do the dishes when he says he willl in the first place.
So yes, we are all guilty of that double standard. The pot calling the kettle black kind of stuff.
Expecting others to do the things we want them to do when we want them to do it, but we don't really hold outselves to those same standards. A friend of mine was recently lamenting over this fact on facebook. Her status update got quite a few comments on it, as everyone discussed her situation. She lamented overthe fact that a guy, who was upfront with her about what he expected in the relationship, he never lived up to, or attempted to live up to, those expectations himself! When she pointed this out to him one day, he got on the defensive and things just went downhill from there. Yet, is it really her fault or his fault? I have to say there is plenty of blame to go around. Not just between the two of them, but also a hunk of that blame should go on society.
Society has made us so focused on what can this person provide for me? What can this relationship do for me? That we forget that they are PEOPLE just like us. With dreams, emotions, hopes, fears, and most important of all:FLAWS. If we want someone to love us, flaws and all, shouldn't we practive that kind of love in return?
I often think about this, and I think about God and His perfect love. He will never forsake me. He will always love me no matter my mistakes. No matter what personality flaws I might have, He will always love me and cherish me as one of His beloved children.
Well, if God loves me like that, doesn't He also love EVERYONE else like that too? Including my dear Hubby? Including that friend we all have that seems to be a little poisonous?(I wrote about Poisonous Friends before, when I read the book Something Borrowed).
So I have realized I need start holding myself up to a higher standard than my own. God's. I need to be the difference I want to see in the world. I need to act out God's words of love to his children in my everyday life. I need to show love to others, even though I may not get it back in return at first. I need to lead by example. I need to pray that by loving others, and treating them in love, the way I want to be treated, I will be treated likewise. I can't expect others to show me love if I am not showing love to others. Will it be hard? Yes. Will I mess up A LOT? Yes. Will be worth?
Just as a good wife is valued beyond rubies, the value of doing this is so great it cannot truly be quantified.
I started this post wanting to write about how even though I'm not worried for Hubby's health, I'm very worried about the cost of all the medical bills, and how we will pay them off. If the bills will keep us from getting the house we are trying to buy and countless other things, but I guess God had other plans for me this morning.