Changes

I’ve been thinking a lot about how much I have changed over the past year and a half.

Some of it small.

Some of it big.

Some of it has been me finding myself.

Some of it has been me finding God.

When I first started my blog, I intended it to be a place where I can write down all my crazy thoughts. All the things that run through my head, and happen in my life with some of my friends.

A place to do all of this without having to worry about completely annoying my husband and driving him completely insane. Hence, the title - Writing to Save My Husband’s Sanity.

Sometimes I’m not sure that’s the most appropriate title.

Partly because if I were being perfectly honest, I’d have to admit that I still drive him completely bonkers. Partly because I often talk to him about things involving people I know and how frustrated they make me in real life. Things I’m too chicken to place on my blog. Also because they are momentary feelings and feelings I don’t want saved online for all to see. (Not that anyone really reads this thing). So I question changing the title of my blog, but to what, I don't know.

When I first started writing I was going through a lot. A lot of issues with my own self esteem and with God. A lot of wanting to be a good wife, and practice for one day being a good mother.

Yet, my thoughts and feelings on so much has changed since I started. Sure, I still wonder if I should be wearing skirts instead of pants sometimes. If I’m being more obedient to God by wearing skirts. And I'm still going through a lot. Struggling to understand and come to terms with the hand we've been dealt. Struggling to understand my infertility and the other health problems that come with my condition. I worry I am failing God. That my doubts and struggled with everything are letting Him down... But I also remember that no matter what, I’m LOVED by the most High King. The Almighty. My Lord and Savior.

I just want to pause here to think about how amazing that is. How amazing is the love that God “lavishes” upon each and everyone one of us. How desperately He wants that personal relationship with each of us. I recently read a book entitled Captivating. It reminded me of just this same thing. How much God loves each and every one of us. The book really delves into a woman’s heart, and how God wants to be someone who will romance her, and sweep her off her feet with His love for her. Can I just say WOW!

But I still have questions. Questions about what is appropriate. While I don't believe you HAVE to wear skirts to be modest, I still struggle with whether or not one article of clothing is more modest than another. I question whether my posts get across the fact that I was trying to do research. That I was going through a lot at that point in my life. That I still am. That I don't have all the answers and am trying to figure things out.

Because of all these questions, and because I feel that my opinions on modesty are sometimes different now than when I first started blogging them, I have to ask myself...

Should I alter the older posts to reflect my current views? Should I delete them so that I won’t confuse anyone who maybe sees them and finds them strange? Or Should I leave them, and maybe post a link at the bottom to one of my current posts on fashion and modesty that better explains where I stand on the issues?

It could be that I'm just in the mood for some spring cleaning