Thursday, August 2, 2012

Rethinking Things

Lately, I feel like I've been rethinking things a lot. Thinks like what is modest for me? Do I consider shorts modest?

I've been rethinking things about my taste in fashion. Oh especially fashion.

Oh and church

So first off has come the modesty stuff. I dont know if it's living in an area where there's actually seasons, or if there is something in the air up here, but either way, I let my mom buy me not one, not two, but THREE pairs of shorts when I saw her last. Now, I hate shorts. I hated shorts throughout middle school. I always thought girl shorts were just too short. Back then, I had an amazing physique. I had a nice lean athletic frame. I was always hanging out with guys and I hated being a girly girl. So, one of the first things in my wardrobe to go was shorts. I didnt want to wear them. At least not if they came from the girls department. A girl I knew wore guy shorts a lot. So I started to do the same. And if I ever get back down to a small enough size where it doesnt look ridiculos, I probably will again (my hubs saw pics and thinks I look cute in guy shorts). They are seriously the MOST comfortable shorts in the world. Plenty of room to walk and move and to not have to worry about them being too short... well that makes me so happy :-). Oh and can i mention the pockets??? The multitude of pockets is amazing. Everything fits in them. No need for a bagon a hot day, or when you know you're gonna be doing a lot of walking.... *sigh* It's pretty awesome

Why did I stop wearing them? When I was about 15 or 16 I had some pretty awful chafing. I had gone on 3 water rides and was completely soaked and the lower crotch rubbed against my thighs all wrong... I was not happy. Neither was my mom as it meant we had to run to the local walmart while on vacation to buy me softer cotton stuff that wouldnt rub the affected area on my thighs. I had to buy diaper rash cream for my thighs. Now, I swear by that stuff. I was at Disney when the first aid lady told us to buy it from the baby care center. I was EMBARASSED!!! The lady working there smiled and told me many grown men came in to buy the stuff.

Fast forward about 3 or 4 years, and I was the baby care lady selling the stuff to grown men. Oh how true she was.

So after that, my guys shorts were pretty much put to rest and I wore girl shorts and mini skirts. All of which were much shorter than I ever would have worn before.

Then I started worrying about whether or not my clothes were modest. Compared to where I grew up, the answer was a resounding yes. Compared to other places in the world, not so much

Then I moved to Michigan, where the thought of needing shorts never crossed my mind. Summers that weren't insanely hot was one of the big draws of moving up here. So i was excited. I figured, my summer skirts, jeans and capris would last me through summer. Then, the heat followed me. Across the country. and Michigan has been having one of the hottest summers on record. Actually, half the months since we have moved up here have been record setting highs. And I was wishing, for the first time in about 3 years that I had a pair of shorts....

Granted, I dont wear shorts that are too short. I think mine go at least 2or 3 inches below my butt and if I bend over, no butt shows. I also went with a size 14 that fit comfy, rather than the 12 which I"m probably closer to in size. Gives me a ltitle more room, and a teeny tiny bit more length.

So then this all has been a part of my wonderful journey through fashion. Can I just say the world was a lot easier when I all i had to do was throw on a shirt and a pair of shorts or jeans? Now there's so many styles, and colors and patterns... It's enough to give a girl a headache!!!

Okay, maybe i secretly kind of like it all...

okay, maybe i secretly kind of LOVE it all!!!!

But I dont love it on me. i hate it on me. i hate dressing up. i hate that i have to dress up for my job. i love pretty clothes. i go online shopping with my close friend over at Confessions of a Fashionista. We drool over many of the same things. If you look on my "fashion trends i love" and "my style" board on pinterest, most of it is great looking stuff. Then, you look at my Modest Mondays posts I was doing for a little while.... and.... i fall so far short. So then I started thinking about why that is. I was rethinking my thoughts on fashion. The fact is, I hate looking too dressed up. My favorite two pictures of me are when I'm most casual!!!

I have a few other pictures from the honeymoon where I actually feel like I look good, but the fact is, in most of them, I'm extremely casual. jeans, a tshirt and just overall comfy being me. So much of the time I feel I'm busy trying to be someone else to please those around me. Sometimes it's trying to please my mom and be all made up and well accessorized. other times, it's trying to be someone i'm not for my in laws. other times it's trying so hard to be an amazing wife to my husband, that i forget he doesnt care about the things i'm trying so hard to make perfect for me (which i'm trying to learn about as i slowly go through debi pearls book created to be his helpmeet, unfortunately right now, my nerd love of star wars has pushed her book once against to the backburner....:-/ )

I get so caught up in trying to be what others want me to be... i forget about who God wants me to be...and who He made me to be

Which is where my church has become such a huge help.

when we first started going to Kensington, I wasn't sure I liked it. There was no praise and worship on Sundays, which is a huge part of worship and praising God for me.Then, they did all this high tech stuff, they made videos where people dressed up crazy. They sang "worldly" music in church!!!! I was NOT used to it and I thought I was going to HATE it. my hubs loved it though, and he looks forward to going to church. in fact, one week that he wasnt feeling too well, i let him sleep in a bit. he woke up with 20 minutes before church. i figured he wasnt feeling well and wouldnt want to go... well. i was WRONG. lol. he was very hurt and upset that i let him sleep in so late, and was in a mad rush to get ready in time! this. coming from the man who was a self proclaimed agnostic/theist when i met him. granted, he still hasn't told me if he has truly embraced christianity, or accepted jesus, but this is still pretty huge.

so, i was going to a church that, except for the message, i didnt really enjoy. i felt like there was no reason in going and just kind of kept going through the motions. until i learned more about their wednesday night service (which has more praise and worship) and their bible study groups. Until I hadnt gone to church in a while because the hubs got a kidney stone, and went back and realized just how much being there meant to me.

Now, i can't really imagine wanting to be at a different church. i love my women's bible study. i love the women i have met and grown close to while there. i love my church family (though it feels sometimes that i'm just one person in a sea of thousands cuz the church is soooo huge). but i have found a family there. people who dont have to like me, but do.

Wow.. that was a lot longer than I thought it would be... :-P

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