This morning I hit a breaking point. It's one that hit me really hard. I'm still kind of feeling the effects of it even right now as I write this. I was a mess. I was driving into work, and I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with just EVERYTHING. The stress of wondering what is going to happen tomorrow morning at my husband's doctors appointment. The worry of our financial future. Even my thoughts on my faith and how I am feeling about a lot of things. Wondering where God is taking me on my walk, and how it's affecting everything in my life. Feeling down on my physical appearance because of not really being happy.
So I started praying. I started talking to God and just telling Him. I sat down and realized, I needed guidance. I have been feeling scared and unsure as to what to do. I felt like everything was just spiraling out of control. Things I previously thought were settled, I have been slipping on the last few days in my desires to fit in and in my confusion. Then it hit me. As the song Brave by Nichole Nordeman started playing on the radio, I realized that there were many facets of my life in which I tend to backslide. Not on purpose, but just because I stop giving those areas to God everyday. I don't always commit my insecurities to Him on a daily basis. When things started to get busy recently, time spent in prayer was the first thing to go. Even though I KNOW that I ALWAYS feel better when I start my day in prayer, I tend to allow it to slip. As my time with God gets cut short, so does my patience. Then things start to fall apart. Not only do I end up being crankier with the hubby, but I also find myself more miserable as I find I don't fit in with the people around me. I find I'm less sure of myself while in public.
So, I'm making the decision to be brave.