Sunday, July 3, 2011

An Interesting Conversation About Modesty with a Guy(Part 2)

So after my conversation with guy #1, I thought I would talk to some of my other guy friends about the topic of modesty. guy #1's answers had really surprised me. His answers, though not verbatim, can be found here. Next up, I talked to guys#2 about this. His answers were a bit more in depth, and I found his answers, again as a non-Christian, to be rather interesting as well.

First off, he was very upfront about how he is physically more attracted to girls that are dressed in more immodest attire, than girls who wear modest attire. Correction. He finds that it is easier to "lust" after girls who aren't dressed as modestly. Note that while modest dressing prevents those thoughts from entering his head immediately, it doesnt mean they don't enter into his head EVER. Now, since we had this conversation over the internet I was able to look up a photo describing what I meant. So I searched good and found a picture

Using this picture, guy #2 basically said that while he may have an easier time keeping clean thoughts about the girls in the top part of the picture, he is more likely to date or be interested in a girl from the bottom. Not because he thinks it's sexy or not sexy but because to him, showing more skin makes him feel like the girl is confident and he is attracted to that confidence. The girls on the top ghe felt did not exude the same confidence that the girls on the bottom seem to have in bucket loads. His exact words (and he is probably making up the statistic) are as follows:

it all depends on the guy but 7/10 will go for the girl who dresses a little bit to show off more skin simply because of they look at them as a more in control confident woman.

Now, he did mention there was a difference between a girl a guy has known as a friend first and got to know her confidence levels, and a guy seeing a girl at a restaurant, club or even just college campus. He personally feels that while some guys might be "hound dogs" the majority will go for the girl who shows more skin because to him it equates to confidence. He did say that a girl who obviously exudes confidence, and that he knows personally would be a different case because then he would be aware of her confidence levels versus a girl who he knows as well, shows more skin and doesnt have the same confidence levels.

So guy number two says that our clothes make a difference, and not just in the lusting after sense, but in how guys perceive us. While we don't have to show skin to actually show confidence, some guys do see it that way. As he said "I dont pick up on the subtle hints." Which I can say is true for a lot of the guys I know. They don't always realize what they have in front of them, or they aren't quick to pick up on little hints we may try to throw their way.

I do believe there is a lesson to learn here, and it's not to show more skin if you are a confident young lady. We should ensure that everything we do shows that we are confident in who we are and how we look. Even if we aren't trying to get a date or find someone, showing confidence can help land a job, can show others that just because we are Christian women and believe in being homemakers doesnt mean we have to be mousey and dull and sit in the background practically like a servant! We can have vibrant personalities that are all different! As I have said before, I am re reading Little Women for the hundredth time, and each of the March girls definitely has her own distinct personality. They are busy and exude confidence. Other people see that confidence and they treat the girls accordingly. That is the lesson. We should not be afraid to shine God's love, the very thing that makes us confident.


GeorgeRobles619 said...

[[My first reply was pooped on by blogger, so had to redo it. So now you get the abridged version]]

Well, since you asked, I'll post my reply. :)
When we talk about fashion and what women are wearing these days, I think we're sort of dancing between to topics of focus: attractiveness and morality. What attracts a guy and what is right to wear. The blog entry kind of bounces between the two, from what the older lady or the teenage girl was wearing to what the friends found attractive. HAving noticed this, I'll answer both, lucky you lol

First regarding morality, I'm of the school of thought that Jesus' most profound teaching to His followers was that what was in your HEART was the bottom line for everything he taught. That's why judging people is spoken against, for who but GOD can see in the heart of men to know if there is evil? Given this, whether or not the woman has praying to do can only be known by God. Let's use your picture as an example. The girls in the top picture are definitely dressed more "modestly" than the girls in the bottom. However, you might notice that the girls in the top have form fitting shirts. WHAT IF (being devil's advocate) a woman were to wear that outfit to accentuate her breasts in an attempt to seduce a man. And WHAT IF, the girl in short shorts simply is wearing it because that's the beach style and it's practical the take on and off over your bathing suit and has no ill intentions regarding inciting lust. Who do you believe Christ would say needs to repent and which simply needs better guidance to become wiser?

In regards to what I'm personally attracted to. I'd be more attracted to the girls in the top picture. I've always been more attracted to the fashionable type. A woman who knows how to be sexy in a classy sort of way, think Carrie Underwood vs Britney Spears. I like ladies and feminine sensuality, but dislike sexually aggressive ladies who just come off as promiscuous (read: slutty).

BUT, I'll say this.. you ask 1000 guys that and you'll get 1000 answers. Some dudes hate prissy girly girls, I love them. Some dudes want girls who can talk politics with them and others want girls who know how to muck a stall and can ride a horse. I have heard on more than one occasion that they will never date church going religious chicks because their boring (boring, I'm suspecting, means they don't put out).. it all depends on the dude.

Rebecca said...

well, i WAS going to ask you so that i could write another blog with your post. i think intentions are everything. i actually wrote a blog entitled modesty and intent in which i talk about how its not just dressing modestly, but also our intentions for doing everything that we do. you're right. a lot of guys have different answers and i think its important to share what guys are saying because ultimately they are the ones that we should be worried about when it comes to inciting lust in their hearts. i know for me, i don't want to dress in a way that would intentionally cause another man to lust after me. mainly because if i ever have kids, i want to be able to set a good example for them, and if i have boys, i dn't want them to struggle with lust. for Jesus said that if you lust after a woman, you have already committed the sin. whats in our hearts is important. so is the outward projection of what is in our hearts. its why modesty is not just a way of dressing but a lifestyle.

also, there is nothing wrong with beng attractive, and i believe the two can fit hand in hand. as long as we are not foregoing modesty in our efforts to look pretty and attractive. for instance, i liek to try and plook pretty adn attractive for my husband. i know me dressing in nice clothes and looking pretty makes him feel like he is doing a good job in providing for me. there is a difference between looking attractice and loooking sexy though. the girls in the top picture have their hair some simply but nicely a bit of make up and do look attractive. whether their hearts are in it i don't know. but i do believe that when our hearts feel that tugging of God strongly, we show it in our outward appearance. :-) does that help?

GeorgeRobles619 said...

I wasn't asking for help. Ooooo, burn. :P Love you, cuz. ;)

No one reads comments anyways, so you can still write a blog on it. haha

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