Thursday, January 26, 2012

Finding Peace

Life has been very hectic lately. If I am to be perfectly honest, I have not really responded to the bustle in a manner befitting a Christian woman. Maybe at times I have, but over all, I have gotten antsy, anxious and just plain old angry. I have yelled at my Hubby, been sharp tongued, and over all just a bit short tempered. Wow... it kinda feels good to admit this. It also is VERY humbling.

First, I started my new job. Then we had a bit of a scare with Hubby's grandmother. So now in the middle of training for a new job, everyone's schedule got a huge interruption. Not that I blame her, or anyone for it. It's just one of those things that on it's own isn't a huge strain, but add it on top of other things in life... and life feels stressful and hectic.

Then we also have the normal issues that any 6 adults, living together would have. Three of us are very opinionated, and don't always agree with each other. On top of that, we have issues relating because of our different upbringings. Never would have thought that there would be so many differences between the South and the Midwest. Should have known better. Lol. :-P

So in the midst of just all the normal hassles of life and living with 5 other people, of which I only know 1 very well, I have to admit I haven't handled things very well. I have found myself tested in so many ways, and I find that in many of those tests, I am failing drastically. I get angry, and hold onto that anger much longer than I should. I really would love to not get so angry in the first place, but one thing at a time...

I get frustrated and upset and emotional. Yes, I know God made me passionate, and loud and strong willed for a reason, but I should not be encouraging these things as much as I sometimes do, because they inhibit my ability to be a good wife to my hubby. They inhibit my ability to be gentle, loving and understanding of the people I live with, and at times allow me to harbor resentment and anger towards people and act in a VERY petty and childish manner.

So, I have picked up my Bible and my reading again. I have retreated from socializing with everyone a bit, and gone back to doing what has helped me achieve the most peace these last few years before the move.Right now, I need time with God. I need Him to help me reevaluate the things in my life, so that I may find peace in Him and in my life. I have to say, I have seen a marked improvement! I FEEL so much better, and I have noticed I am WAY more at peace.

So life has been very different, but I'm finding wonderful solace in many of the blogs I read. I'm finding women with hearts like mine, wanting God to be in the center of their lives, and I'm able to find those conversations about God and the Bible and religion that I so crave. And I can have these conversations without hurting anyone's feelings - something I have found I do very often up here, yet never seemed to have any problems with this before with my friends back home, but it's a new place and adjustment is to be expected.

I'm finding that maybe I don't need to be as close with my hubby's family as I would like. Maybe in not being my usual self around them, I retreat a little, and give them the breathing room that both of us need in order to maintain a happy balance. I wish I could be closer with them, but I don't think it is a part of God's plan for now, and I'm learning to be okay with that. I'm learning to be okay with a lot of the things in my life that I wish were different. God has definitely been blessing me through all these months with lessons. Lessons in finding Him in the midst of my own turmoil. Finding Him, and trusting in His timing and His plan. Maybe now is not the time to try and forge close bonds with family. Maybe, now is the time to find friends. OR even take this wonderful opportunity to get to know my husband even better as we get to spend more time together. Time together is something we never had much of in FL because of our conflicting schedules. So I'm taking God's blessing as they come, and finding peace in His timing. It's not always easy. Most days I still get anxious and stressed and tense, but I'm learning, and I'm practicing giving up control, and finding peace in where He chooses to let things fall.

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